Emily's First Day of School

As much as it was heartbreaking for me, Emily was so excited that we finally got the call that there was a spot for her in the preschool program. She is my baby who is now going to school! My last one at home is now gone :( She is super happy and doing excellent, so as sad as it makes me.....she is ecstatic.

Embarrassing Mom

I was dropping Benjamin off at school the other day and he decided to sit down and eat breakfast, even though I had already slaved over an amazing bowl of cereal for him to eat at home before we left. So Emily and I went to drop his backpack off in his locker, and as I came back to the cafeteria to say goodbye to him I saw that he was sitting by this very pretty girl that he must have known because he was trying desperately not to talk to her only the way that boys do with very pretty girls. So we walked up to him and I said, "Bye Ben. Mommy will see you at home later have a great day." And as I leaned down to give him a kiss he shyly smiled and turned his head looking inconspiculously at the girl sitting next to him. I smiled and said, "Love you buddy. See you at home." I walked away feeling neglected and sad that my 5 year old son did not want to kiss his "mommy" goodbye.

So today I dropped him off at school again only today he wanted to go straight outside to play before the bell rang. As I said goodbye to him I asked him for a kiss. He looked at me again shyly looking around to see if anyone was looking and quickly kissed me so that no one would see.

I guess that I should be happy that it wasn't because of the girl, it was just because I am his mom. On second thought, I'm not sure if that makes me happy at all???

Hard Work

Why does hard work and wanting to aspire to be the best conveniently follow with someone's either jealousy, disgust, or ill will?

Trying Times

It seems like things are falling apart for us lately. Classes suck, the car broke--then fixed--then broke again, washing machine crashed, computer crashed, Tony received a speeding ticket, and Tuck hurt his leg. I wonder if we should pay for the air we breathe too??

Thank you God for these trying times, but do you think we can be done now? Amen

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34.

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday

Setting the Stage

Noah and Ben were pretending they were saving the world one day in the back of the van.

Ben says, "we'll save everybody in the world!"
Noah says, "Yeah! Except China, we don't need to save them."

I wonder what he heard to make him think of that? I find it humorous.

Remembering...

This day 10 years ago was the last day that I would talk to you, tomorrow morning will be the day that your blood spilled. The blood that I saw, the blood that I cannot get out of my head. I remember reading the gruesome details of the report, the details that I cannot forget. I want to forget, I want to not remember, I want you to be here, I want you to know my kids, I want you to know the person that I am, I want you to know that I am not the person you once knew. As the tears run down my face I am forced to remember all the details that I wish I could forget. I am forced to remember the relationship that we had, the relationship that was so hard to deal with on a daily basis. It was so hard to be your sister, you made it so hard and I hate you for that. But I love you and I hate that I miss you so much after all that we have been through, yet here I am missing you. I am sorry for all that you think was wrong with your life and I can honestly say that I never judged you for anything....I know the kinds of things that you went through; I hope that your faith in the Almighty was strong enough to rescue you from your pain. I hate that I feel that I cannot deal with this completely, I don't know how!! I love you, I miss you, and I don't know how to feel about that. I survived our relationship, but how do I survive your loss?

Remembering is painful and I just want it to stop, how do I make it stop.....