Lucky or Lost

So I guess that I haven't been on here in awhile. Noah finally did get completely potty trained. Now I'm back to square one with Ben. Emily is now 1 year old and walking, laughing, and nothing but joy explodes from her face. Kiya is reading anything she can and getting into as much trouble as she can now that she's the oldest of 7 kids. Tony is in school now and work is crazy, which means he is gone alot. I know that it's for our future, but I miss him sooo much.

Many people think that being able to stay home with their children is either a blessing or an inconvenience. An inconvenience because that means that they can't buy the things that they want, or do the things they want, or even be who they want. A blessing because they don't miss a moment (which can even be a curse sometimes ex: whining, screaming, crying, etc.), they get to see all the smiles, and teach them to love completely (which I often see in my children). What happens when you lose yourself in either? What happens when you can't figure out if your blessed or not? Many people would wonder why I would wonder such a thing. I have a wonderful, beautiful, loving family. It also has grown rapidly, one minute I was engaged to a beautiful loving man, with the blink of an eye (or opening of a letter) I was a parent. Then next thing I know I have 3 more kids of my own. Don't get me wrong, I am a very lucky woman to have so much love around me. My kids are my world, and that's ok. But, some where in the whirlwind, I don't know if I became lucky or lost. I am not only a mom, but also, a woman. Sometimes that is forgotten.