Friday, May 12, 2006

Love

Ok so it's been awhile for this. Tonight my husband and I will be celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary. We are getting rid of the kids for 2 nights (we haven't done that since our honeymoon 5 yrs ago). I have been waiting to do that obviously for awhile. Only, I thought that I was looking forward to it but it turns out that I am a little sad because I am going to miss them like crazy!!! I am with them everyday from morning to night and I feel like I'm mentally unstable by the time bedtime comes, but they're my kids!! I know that I need a break, but I am so close to them that I breathe nothing but my beautiful loving children. It's such a miracle the love that you have for these little people that depend solely on you. All I want to do is keep them safe and happy. To look at their smiling faces and to know that you helped put that there, that you created this little life, it's more than a heart and a sole can bear. I ache to be with them. I am scared to death for their future, yet so excited to see what kind of influence that I will of had on their lives. With mother's day approaching, I hope that when my children are old enough they will undersatand the love that I have for them and that they will truly appreciate it. Being a parent is so hard because you have to give so much of yourself, but the rewards are numerous. I feel like I'm overflowing in love. When I look into my little girl's face and she shows me that big toothless grin, uhh, it's as close as I can get to heaven right now.

P.S. My step-daughter came home from school yesturday with a Mother's Day gift. I asked her if it was for her mom, she replied "No, it' for you." (Ususally for special days she gives these things to her mom, I get the rest of the stuff so I don't get too upset.) So needless to say I was surprised and so happy. I opened up the gift, because she said I could (she's gone at her mom's for Mother's Day) to find a beautiful hand made card that said "Happy Mother's Day Mama. I love you. Kiya" Well my heart melted right there, then the gift. It was a planter with dirt and seeds to grow flowers. She decorated it with flowers and butterflies. It was honestly the most beautiful wonderful gift that I have ever received. I wanted to burst into tears, she made this very special gift for me, her step-mother. Instead I gave her an enormous hug and told her that I loved it and that I couldn't wait to plant the flowers with her, but first she had to eat lunch.
It's more than I could've asked for from her. She thinks that she gave me some flowers to plant, she doesn't realize that she gave me so much more.

3 comments:

Kendra said...

I can relate with you on the gift from a step-child. I felt the same way when my step son gave the gift he made in kindergarten to me instead of his other mom. It speaks volumes when a young child makes that sort of decision. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.

Last year, when my step-daughter gave me two gifts and had nothing for her other mom, I encouraged to her to give one of my gifts to her mom. I am very honored that my step kids think of ME when they think of mom.

Good luck with your childless weekend. I know it will be both wonderful and difficult.

jen hulings said...

amy, i loved reading your feelings on parenting. This stage in your children's lives will be gone so quickly. I am so glad to see that you are appreciating it while it's here. i can't believe how quickly they are off to school, and they just don't need you as much. I miss the days of being home.
hey, this year is ten years for me. This year was the first time away from them for more than 2 days. i was gone EIGHT!!!! I missed them but it was good for my husband and I.

Jerry DePoy Jr. said...

We need a "Happy Pastor's Day".
I'd love a toothless grin and home-made card from Kiya!

- J D