Thursday, March 23, 2006

Who I Want To Be Like

Have you ever thought who you would like to be most like in your life? I think about it all the time. Some people may say a movie star or singer or even our Lord Jesus Christ. Though I would like many of the qualities from those people, that's not what I want. I want to be me. I want to find myself. I want to find who I am and be that person with the kindness, patience, innocense, love, frienships, honesty, etc. The list goes on and on. How many people truely find this. How many people can honestly say that they know who they are and who they want to be. How many people can truely say that they are comfortable in their own skin. I am not one of those people. I don't feel the outside matches the inside. I struggle everyday whether I should try to be myself, someone that other people will want me to be, or simply wishing I looked like someone else. I find myself quite often representing a chameleon changing who I am so then other people will like me. I was recently in a situation of accusations of an individual and I, instead of taking that color, decided to defend that other person. That is a huge step for me. It's a huge step because I did it without thinking. Instead of sitting back and just listening and not saying anything, I said don't jump to conclusions about this person. I would normally just think these things to myself to avoid confrontation, but I confronted it head on. Maybe this is a least one step to finding me and being who I want to be. Maybe I'll take 2 steps back tomorrow, but I can be proud of myself today.
So how does a person truely find themselves when they have to put everyone elses needs before their own? How can I be happy within my own skin? How can I feel beautiful from the inside out? Maybe I will never find out, maybe it will have to wait until my kids are older. As of now I feel my only talent, my only purpose, my only meaning is to be the very best mom and wife that I can possibly be and to hope that it's enough for now, even though some days I know that it's not.


Jer & Liz Nyenhuis said...

All that anyone can ask of you is that you try your hardest and do your best at everything everyday (realizing that some days your best is better than other days). I really struggle with speaking up, even when I know I should, too. I struggle with being "me" too. I don't think I really know who "me" is. Maybe we could go on a discovering "me" journey together...

Patience said...

Hi. I am so incouraged by reading your post. I can really relate. I often wonder too if being myself is good enough. Honestly, I liked who I was about 4 years ago. Now I have become someone I don't want to be. I became this way because I wanted to be accepted by certain people. Now I need to re-discover who I use to be. Yeah...well that's all. See ya!

Jerry DePoy Jr. said...

Find your voice kid.
It's beautiful!